5 "Secret" Places To Find Lesbians In 2023

I wrote another blog post about why it's so hard for lesbians to find each other, but I'm going to assume you're tired of hearing about the problem. 

Further, I'm going to assume you're tired of:

• swiping on Tinder and seeing another couple looking for a unicorn
• being the sole lesbian at your local gay bar
• wondering where your soulmate is and why she's so late
• daydreaming about having lesbian friends
• seeing awesome lesbians on Reddit, Youtube and Tiktok (who live on the other side of the country) 

In 2023, the million dollar question is: Where are the lesbians? 

Invariably, the lesbians always seem to be geo-located... far away from us. 

But it doesn't have to be this way. You can find the lesbians. But only if you know where to look. 

For your lesbian-locating needs, I've curated a short list of the 5 best "secret" places to find lesbians in 2023. 

1. Lesbians Are At Cat Cafes

Coffee and cats, separately, tend to attract lesbians. But together, cat cafes are a lesbian magnet. If you want to find the lesbians, find out if you have a cat cafe in your area, and visit it. 

Don't forget to actually say hi to any women you see there who might be a lesbian. If you're shy, consider wearing this lesbian t-shirt to the cat cafe as a conversation starter. 

2. Lesbians Go Thrift Shopping

Why do thrift shops tend to attract so many lesbians? Hard to say, but the fact is, they do. Go to Goodwill a few times, you'll see.  

As with the cat cafes, this lesbian-locating strategy only works if you actually pluck up the courage to start a conversation. Or as training wheels, wear something obviously lesbian-oriented, like a lesbian t-shirt or a prominent rainbow bracelet to help other women feel like they have something they can start a conversation with you about. 

Who knows - you could meet your future wife arguing over who saw the denim jacket with all the patches on it first. Stranger things have happened. 

If you're in the NYC area, I highly recommend checking out this Brooklyn-based thrift shop, Out Of The Closet. 

Out Of The Closet is a thrift shop with a discreet STD testing center in the back of the store. From the front, it looks exactly like a regular thrift shop, but in the back (kind of a speakeasy vibe, no?) there's a fully staffed STD clinic. 

You can double dip on your thrift shopping and your sexual health by getting tested for STDs, all in the same trip! Their tests are sliding-scale, too. 

3. There Are Lesbians At Lesbian Bars

Yes, the number of lesbian bars are dwindling, and that's criminal and should be fixed, but for now, here's the updated list of lesbian bars still around in 2023. 

Note that the lesbian bars can feel a little cliquey sometimes. Don't be discouraged if women don't say hi to you right away. They might be waiting for you to say hi to them! 

4. Lesbians Are At The Women's Festivals (So Many Lesbians)

Did you know the women's festivals are once again going strong? To find women's festivals in your area, you can request to join this Discord server. 

There are women's festivals happening annually in over a dozen states in the US in 2023. These festivals tend to be lesbian-majority spaces, and by attending one and talking to attendees, you'll find out more about your local lesbian network than you ever could on the internet. 

The Discord server is a great way to make friends who are also going ahead of time and find out what you need to know before you go, especially if you've never been in the woods for a women's festival before. You'll find out where to stay, what to bring, and women who are regulars are usually happy to answer your questions. 

5. Lesbians Are On Women's Land 

Women's lands are lesbian-majority spaces. You can read all about them in other posts I've written on this blog. You can use the Women's Land Map on this blog to find them, contact them, and arrange a visit. It might be weird, it might be cool, it will probablya change you. 

Not all, but most women's lands were started by lesbians for lesbians. Many of the women who live on women's land are lesbians. Many of the women who don't live on women's land, but regularly visit their local women's land for events, are lesbians. Are you starting to sense a theme? 

Why Do We Look For The Lesbians?

As Alix Dobkin once wrote, finding the lesbians is no easy task. It's also not just a task. It changes us, and in turn, we change the lesbians we find. 

Straight people don't deal with this sort of thing. They have their own problems, but they don't deal with the lesbian-specific slights that most of us encounter pretty regularly, even if we live in a country where same-sex marriage is legal and hate crimes are usually prosecuted. 

Conversely, straight people don't experience the unique magic of finding the lesbians. As they say, "every bar is a straight bar."  

Personally, I related to what Alix Dobkin wrote about "mighty peculiar behavior." What's the strangest thing you've ever done for a woman? 

If you are a woman in your 20s , and you want to find out how to contact women's lands that are still operating near you in 2023, click "Women's Land Map" in the menu to find a women's land. Reach out to them directly. Expect to be vetted. If there isn't a women's land listed in your state yet, email me at findwomensland at gmail dot com for help finding women's land you may be able to visit near you.